Rubber Duckies and Red Haired Monkeys
by LadySloth
Summary: Jet and Faye have noticed something important. Something very important. What is this secret? Ed needs a bath. Badly. But is it possible to get the hyperactive hacker to sit still long enough for a bath? Or will Spike have to save them?


**Unfortunately, I do not own Cowboy Bebop.**

Jet frowned at the monitor distractedly as Ed zipped by making vrooming noises. His nose wrinkled. The problem with Radical Edward was, since she had grown up in a place that had very little bathroom accommodations, AKA the wild, she didn't see why she had to take a shower. Or a bath. Or brush her teeth. It was a miracle that she was potty-trained.

Faye walked in just as Ed "vroom"-ed out. She made a face and attempted to swipe the back of Ed's shirt to get the child to hold still, but Ed dodged her and ran away laughing about black cats and laundry mats.

"Jet…" she mumbled, staring after the hyperactive child, "We have _got_ to do something…"

"I know. I've been thinking about it for awhile now. But the question is; how?" Jet mumbled, rubbing his beard.

"I just wanna know why she's only starting to smell now…"

"I'm back." Spike announced as he walked in and grabbed his pack of cigarettes, then turned around to leave. "I'm out."

"Have fun!" Faye called after him, smirking.

"Yeah, yeah…" echoed through the ship as a response. It was Spike's turn to collect the pocket change, and on top of it being pocket change, it was an ordinary hacker. Needless to say; he wasn't ecstatic.

"Where were we?" Jet asked, looking back at Faye.

* * *

"Ed! Ed, come here!" Faye shouted, cupping her hands so it echoed louder.

"Ye~s?" Ed asked, hanging upside down behind Faye.

"Get undressed, and then get in." Faye ordered after recovering from her heart attack, pointing at the tub.

"Undressed, sun-rest, hill-crest!!!" Ed giggled, wriggling around before vanishing again.

"Ed!!"

* * *

"Ed?" Jet called through a seemingly empty ship. There was no answer this time. Faye had probably scared her off.

"Ed? I have something for you…"

"Something for Ed?! Oh boy oh boy!!" Ed cried, landing on his shoulders and dancing.

"Yeah." Jet agreed after catching his balance, handing Ed a bottle of soap.

"…" Ed tilted it side to side, trying to find out why it had been given to her.

"And you wanna know how to use it?" Jet asked, inconspicuously walking towards the bathroom.

"Ed knows! Ed knows!" Ed laughed, dumping the whole bottle on Jet's head. Then she hopped off and ran away, giggling and looking for Ein.

* * *

Jet and Faye sat panting. They had attempted numerous ways to get Ed to take a bath. One had included rubber ducks and chocolate pudding. Needless to say, Ed had eaten all the chocolate pudding and stolen all the rubber ducks to do God-knew-what with them, and had skipped out on the bath part.

"Hey Jet…" Faye gasped, fanning herself weakly.

"What?" he grunted, glaring at the ceiling.

"I think we're just gonna have to put up with it." she finished, closing her eyes.

"…" Jet's silence was as close as he would get to agreeing with her.

"I'm back." Spike commented, walking and setting a bag of groceries on the table before wondering off again, leaving Jet and Faye behind. "Geez, wonder what got into them…" he sighed, lighting up.

"Spi-Spi!" Ed screamed, latching onto his head.

Spikes nose wrinkled and he made a face before going to the bathroom, Ed still attached to his head. He grabbed the shampoo, conditioner, and body wash before going out again.

"I knew I was forgetting something." he grumbled, lifting Ed off of his head with one hand and heading towards Jet's bonsai room.

"Yay! Hose-hose again?!" Ed laughed, letting herself be led into the room. Spike made her stand in one spot, clothes and all.

"Yeah," he said, turning on the hose and spraying her down, "You need it."

"Spi-Spi?" Ed asked as he squirted shampoo onto her head, "Faye-Faye and Jet-person tried to make Ed get naked to take a bath. Ed did not want to. Why did they want to make Ed get naked for a bath?"

"Dunno," Spike shrugged, not really listening, "I just think it's easier to kill two birds with one stone. The _last_ thing I wanna see is you running naked through Bebop."

Spike sprayed her head with the hose, rinsing out the shampoo. Then came the conditioner, which was rinsed out in the same manner. Ed smeared herself with the body-wash, clothes and all. Which was then hosed off.

"Go away now and dry off somewhere." Spike sighed, stepping out of her way as she ran shrieking down the hallway. He dropped the hose and wondered off, possibly towards the kitchen to scrounge around for Faye's secret stash of chocolate. Possibly.

Fifteen minutes later Jet found the mess that was his bonsai room. He grumbled to himself and set about cleaning it up. Honestly, it was like clockwork! The same day, every week, she would make this mess. Hey, was that soap?


End file.
